Hi.
I'm guessing that you've been anticipating this letter for a while now. It's a bit overdue, in fact... 21 years and 2 months, to be exact. Well, I suppose that now is the perfect time to write you this because You've been nothing but great to me.
I know that our story has not been the most perfect. I was innocently following You as a child. We used to talk a lot whenever I prayed at night in front of the grotto of our home. But then, I thought that those prayers were to be answered immediately, not thinking that they were to be answered in YOUR PERFECT TIME. As I grew up, I chose to stray from You because I thought You didn't care for me whenever those prayers seemed unheeded. And though you sent me people to hear Your word, I turned a deaf ear. Instead of listening to You, I went with non-believers -- those who turned me against You. And though I thought I owned and had control over my life then, I didn't realize how lost I was without You by my side. I chose to banish You because I thought that I can do things on my own, even at the point of challenging you to turn things around when I thought that everything in my life simply went wrong. And after challenging you, I first thought that you simply defeated me. But no, I realized that You simply won me over again and that you brought me back to the light... something that I am truly grateful for.
Since then, you've made me realize how much I was loved by you through the people I've lived my life with. With them, You've made me realize that You were always here by my side and that sometimes, I just had to feel hurt and struggle, because You wanted to me to be your strong soldier. During the times you gave me a push, You made me hold on to You all the more. And you know what? It was way better than doing things on my own, because I know that everything I did was Your work.
When I was looking for the perfect job, You've searched it for me. At first, you made me experience what I thought I wanted for my life. But though I was happy with that, I felt that you wanted me to do something more, and that I had to risk. And even if my family isn't exactly well-off or stable, You gave me a mission. Even if I haven't always received monetary compensation (well, even now) on time, I don't resent you for it. I know that You're doing this because when I receive it, You have plans for me. Once I get it, I know that You will teach me how to spend it wisely. You will tell me to invest it in You and Your plans for me, my family, my friends and the people whose lives I'll touch, which does not entail any risk because it is a product of Your love.
You've been calling me to serve You. Over the past year and a half, You've brought me to places I've never thought of going for reasons other than sheer recreation or immersion. And the best part of those trips were because I dedicated them to You. You've brought me to the less fortunate, especially to GK Villages to show me that I'm still blessed amidst my own financial crisis -- to tell me that You will provide for me. You've brought me to camps to know You more and to make me realize that You've given me so much to share to others such as my talents and skills. You've brought me to sports fests and competitions so that I could adjust my outlook in contests and to teach me to have FUN doing YOUR way. You've brought me to far-flung places to worship you and to be a witness of Your unconditional love. You've brought me to training activities to help me realize that You indeed have plans for me, and that all I had to do is be humble and listen, to follow You, even when the road I'll take will be a challenge and a struggle. Even when people doubt the sincerity of my actions, God, You stuck by me, and You've kept me still, and for that I'm eternally thankful. Most importantly, You've brought me back to the HEART OF WORSHIP and say that IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. You've welcomed me back with open arms. You've made me feel the awesome warmth of Your undying love. You've showed me heaven on earth, the most amazing feeling I can imagine.
And though I am still waiting for your gift to me, I am contented with THIS relationship. OURS. I know that You're still planning on the space of THIS TRIANGLE that he will occupy. Right now, it's You and Me. The best part? It will NEVER be AGAINST THE WORLD, because YOU LOVE ME as much as YOU LOVE THEM ALL. And you know what, that gift can wait. You've already given me the GREATEST GIFT OF ALL -- Your son, Jesus Christ, who came to proclaim Your Kingdom, to be a brother to all of us, to die in atonement of our sins and those of the whole wide world and to be the MOST PERFECT MANIFESTATION OF YOUR LOVE.
Now that I'm taking another step up in serving You, I leave everything up to You -- all Your plans for me, all the pains that I will encounter, all the sorrows because I have learned to depend on You. I know that I should allow you to be tough for me. The enemy will linger around, but with You there, I know that everything will be okay, just as it was always meant to be. Keep me safe. Protect the people I truly love and care for, Lord God. Be with them too. And when they turn their back on you, show them the beautiful light that you've shown me.
I Love You, God. I REALLY DO.
Always,
Carmel
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